Tuesday, May 18, 2004
nuttin much happened today. but alot happened in my brain.
morning wake up jus slack. play d2 until work time. den go work. i love going to work but i hate going to work. ok. now wat i meant was, i like to work at paulaner, BUT i hate the journey to paulaner. with nothing to do, i think alot. and i really mean ALOT. i dunno if this happens to u guys, but it does happen to me. i will think about things that have been on my mind the past few days, and if i am unlucky, something bad would have happened and i will be thinking abt it.
i thought abt that person. i guess we haven spoke to each other for ages. or rather... ages for me. dun seem that long to that person i guess. but its long to me. very very very long. it pains my heart, to reminisce, and think of the times we shared together, and the crap that we both always came up with. either one calling the other lame or saying the latter's jokes as not funny. so much fun.
but its the past.
now, we dun even look into each eyes when we speak. or rather, we dun even speak to each other anymore. we used to clik on each other's nick when we see the popup on msn. we used to sms so much. we used to share wat happened in the day and wat we did. we used to do so much. but now, nothing.
i mean its not always an ego issue. i guess i am not a person with a mega big ego. i can let a girl beat down on me till i am like a wretched dog if i am in the wrong. i apologise the moment i know i am in the wrong, irregardless of hw embarrassing its gonna be. i guess mer and vince would understand that. but, this time its so different. i am not being egoistic. it jus pains me when i see me and that person drifting further and further apart, only for that person to be closer and closer to others. imagine, a person that was close to you "moves on" to another person and u know it wun be the same anymore. to make matters worse, u cant do anything abt it. cos if u do, THAT feeling is gonna come back. and u know that person would like it better when u dun feel THAT way.
dussen matter now. as i said things had changed. let it change. i cannot control it.
its time to move on.
sometimes i tink if that person is reading my day from this blog. i wonder if that person still cares enuf to do so. i think... i guess not. things have changed.
kai-mmunist teachings 2:06 AM
