Saturday, July 17, 2004
just received this email from somebody jus now. was telling me how egoistic i became, and how disrespectful as a friend i am. i din noe she tot tt i was this kinda person all along. like... i tot she knew i was like this. especially the "disrespectful" part? i mean since sec sch times, me, mer and gang have been jokin over everything and i have gotten really used to tt? like all this while i tot she understood this is wat i am, and now she tells me its wrong. now i really question who knows me... to think i tot i know who are my real friends and who understands me...
i was wrong i guess.
(the following do not target at anyone or anything, its just how i feel)
when i am sweet, nobody ever says:"hey tts sweet." when i was abit nasty (and not even genuinely nasty cos i tot i was joking) people always come to me and say:"hey tt was rude!" why do ppl onli remember the bad things, and never the good things? mayb i am guilty for this crime too, but at least i try my best to praise and encourage ppl whenever i can. i am like vincent: when we joke, we dun mean it. we are nasty but its for the joy of everybody. like everyone laughs and stuff. but when we say things like:"hey, seriously, i think wat u did jus now was cool", ppl tend to think we are being sarcastic. but we actually mean wat we say.
when we act like clowns to cheer ppl up ppl go rolling on the floor laughing and stuff. den they think we are jokers and never can get serious. den they think we are not human or sumting. they never take us seriously. EVER. but we have a genuine and sincere side to us as well. anybody realised tt?
have i changed? maybe... maybe not... who knows... but never mind. i guess i dun even understand myself anymore, whats more others...
but nvm, at least i know tt my best frens still think tt i am the same. right?
i feel so resentful nowadays.
i think sometimes, things change. and ppl change. its not their fault. its not your fault. things just happen. if u hated it since the beginning just tell me then. dun wait till things dragged on, and u tell me u hate it. i feel so betrayed. like thinking "hey i am being fun here" all along, only to know in the end tt u hate it. i hate tt too.
kai-mmunist teachings 12:46 AM
